I'm Pretty Sure You're Gonna Regret That Darcy Pistolis Read online

  “Are you serious right now?” Nina flopped down beside me on the bed, twirling her long brown locks between her index and middle finger. “Darcy, you’ve gotta stop pushing your limits like this. It screws you two ways from Tuesday.”

  “Oh, you’re overreacting. Were the police involved? No, they were not. Did I end up in the hospital? No, so I call that a good night.” I sipped my coffee again, letting the caffeine do its thing.

  “No police or hospital visits, but you’re lucky you’re a cute girl. Otherwise, you might have gone to jail for assault.” Nina laughed, remembering the night’s antics and continued, “One minute, you were rambling about electricity and finally finding the missing link on your road to finding the ultimate thrill, and the next, you were test kissing every boy you could get your hands on.”

  “Well, how else was I supposed to find the guy who kissed me? I had to perform a rigorous scientific experiment, and if it meant I had to kiss every boy in the house to find the right one, then so be it,” I said with a shrug.

  “Darcy, I’m trying to talk to you about your insane behavior and—hold on, maybe we should back up to the part where I remind you that the power went out right after you went in the closet. No one else spun, so whoever came in that closet to kiss you was not playing by the rules,” she reminded.

  “He asked permission first, Nina. I said it was okay, so it doesn’t matter if he played by some ridiculous spin the bottle rules or not.” For a moment, I wondered if I imagined the kiss... if my adrenaline was so high twenty-four-seven that my brain materialized the most amazing kiss of my life. No amount of adrenaline could materialize that kind of kiss. That was ridiculous thinking.

  “Well, I guess if he asked and you said it was okay, but that doesn’t change your insane behavior, Darcy. Some of those guys have girlfriends and need I remind you half of them almost kicked your cute little butt last night?”

  “But they didn’t because I am cute and harmless,” I said with a grin.

  Nina laughed hysterically and struggled to catch her breath so she could carry on with our conversation. “I don’t know who you see when you look in the mirror, but harmless is not a word I would use to describe you. Foster had to carry you out over his shoulder, Darcy!”

  She continued to laugh until she had to clutch her stomach. When I had enough, I shoved her off the bed. “Ow! You’re a feisty little brat, did you know that?” she said from the floor.

  “Whatever, weenie. Where’s Foster, and why was I sleeping in his bed?” I finished the coffee and set the mug on his desk.

  “He went to get breakfast for you, and you’re sleeping here because he was the only guy you didn’t try to kiss within a half-mile radius,” she said, still obviously irritated with my behavior.

  “Oh, yeah, now I remember,” I said. I dropped my head, a little ashamed that I let myself get that carried away over a kiss, but it was one heck of a kiss. Even so, it wasn’t fair of me to ruin my friend’s party over my own addiction to adrenaline. “Sorry, it won’t happen again.”

  “You say that, but I guarantee it’ll be the same story again next week at Greg’s party,” she said.

  Greg Brewer happened to be the biggest jerk in the world, so there was no way I was going to his party. He was always mean to me, picking on my height and daring me to do the dumbest things. It was because of him I broke my leg jumping off the monkey bars in fourth grade.

  I didn’t have the chance to voice my protest before Foster burst through the door with waffles from our favorite diner. The smell wafted through the room, invading my nose. The little dive catered to drunken college kids every weekend, and I had no doubt they were the reason the diner even kept their doors open. I crammed bite after bite of waffle into my mouth as my mind wandered back to the kiss. I had to find the guy, no doubt about it, but the task seemed nearly impossible. Where would I even start?

  “What are you thinking about?” Foster asked around a mouthful of chocolate chip waffle. He had been oddly quiet since entering his own bedroom, but I knew he was probably tired. I also knew from experience, sleeping in his parent’s guest bedroom was uncomfortable and painful. Would it kill them to get a new mattress for their guests?

  “She’s probably thinking about how to find the boy she kissed last night,” Nina said, stealing bites of my waffle when she thought I wasn’t paying attention.

  Foster started laughing and ran a hand over his head.

  “Which one?” he asked, his dark eyes squinted from smiling even though his mouth was full of waffle. His smirk was irritating, so I threw the closest thing I could grab at him, nailing him in the head with the heel of one of my shoes.

  He caught it, which was merely a byproduct of always having things thrown at him. I really was too violent toward my friends, so I made a mental note to stop throwing things at Foster. He was the only one, though, since my other friends were mean to me all the time.

  “What are these, like five inches? You’re so tiny and short,” he said.

  Okay, nevermind. I amended my mental note to start throwing more things at him.

  He continued to laugh, sparking a laughing competition with Nina. When she calmed herself enough to reach for another bite of my breakfast, I stabbed her with my fork.

  “Get your own waffle if you’re gonna laugh at me.” I snapped, but instantly felt horrible when I saw I’d drawn blood.

  “You’re like a tiny little ninja,” Foster said, earning himself a glare from Nina and me.

  “Back to the issue at hand,” Nina said. “You kissed a ton of guys last night, but there are millions more out there. Exactly how do you think you’re going to find the mystery guy?” She cautiously reached toward my plate, watching where my fork was before grabbing another bite.

  “I don’t know, I guess I could place an ad in the paper. No, that’s dumb. No one reads those anymore.” I continued to think, wracking my brain for the perfect solution.

  “Ben can have another party. Maybe the mystery guy will show up again?” Nina offered.

  “Yeah, but he might not, and it’ll be a waste of time,” Foster added.

  The more I thought about it, the more confident I was that the guy, this mystery guy who kissed me, would somehow change my life. In a way, he already had. There was no prank, no outrageous stunt I could pull that would ever make me feel the way his kiss did. One way or another, I’d find him, even if it meant kissing a lot of frogs before I found my prince. The thought made me think of Cinderella and her prince and his relentless effort to try that stupid shoe on every girl in the entire town, searching for the one foot who owned it. If only I could try on kisses the same way.

  “I’ve got it!” I shouted, startling Nina. “The Kiss Contest!”

  “What is a kiss contest?” she asked, but Foster only rolled his eyes and sighed.

  “It’s a stupid contest they do at her university,” he said after scoffing at the idea. “Every year on Valentine’s day, they have a fundraiser for different charities, usually some heart foundation or association, and people buy tickets for kisses at the kissing booth. At the end of the fundraiser, the best kisser wins a date with whoever is in the booth that year.”

  “That’s brilliant, but how are you going to work that out?” Nina pulled her legs up to her chest and gave me her undivided attention. It was one of the things I both loved and hated about her. It was nice to know she valued what you had to say, but at the same time, it was difficult to speak while she bored holes into your head.

  “It’s a stupid idea.” Foster stuffed the last bite of his waffle in his mouth and leaned back in his desk chair with his arms lazily hanging at his sides. I knew what would happen, and so did he, but he never seemed to learn his lesson. Before our conversation ended, he would fall on the floor, most likely whacking his head on his desk as he slipped out of the wobbly chair.

  “You have so little faith in me, my friend. Here’s the plan, I’ll—”

  As suspected, Foster leaned too far back in his chair and fell backward. Nina and I watched as his legs flailed around in the air in a desperate attempt to move away from the broken chair. He’d fallen so many times it wasn’t funny anymore, so I continued describing my plan to Nina while he did his upside-down turtle dance.

  “As I was saying, it will be a contest. I’ll write up a little blurb about it and post it on every social media account I have. It’ll be everywhere, and we’ll sell tickets just like they do at my school and donate the money somewhere. There’s no way I’ll ever forget that kiss, so if he’s brave enough to show up and buy a ticket, I’ll know who he is the second his lips touch mine.”

  I was excited, and my flapping hands were proof of that. Nina dodged them several times while listening, and when I was done speaking, Foster was finally up off the floor.

  “What if no one shows up?” he asked, panting a little after fighting with the chair for several minutes.

  “You should consider some cardio training, Fos. Also, look at her! We’ll make a fortune selling tickets!” Nina joined in my excitement, so Foster had no choice but to fall in line.

  “Fine, when are we doing this disaster in the making?” He groaned and crawled on the bed with us and staring up at his ceiling covered with plastic glow-in-the-dark stars.

  “Ben’s end of summer party?” Nina suggested.

  “Works for me. That gives us six weeks to promote the contest and work out the details,” I said.

  Foster only nodded, his eyes droopy. I knew I’d worn him out the night before; I always did, but he never failed to make sure I got home in one piece. I looked at Nina and silently pointed to my best friend, who was quickly falling asleep beside us. I shrugged my shoulders and gave her a little smile.

  She returned the smile and whispered, “You
gave him a run for his money last night.” She glanced at her watch. “Shoot, I gotta go pick up Alicia. She wants to go shopping for some new sundresses if you want to come along.”

  “Nah, I’m good, but thanks. I’m gonna wait for dodo here to wake up.” I waved to Nina as she exited the door then glanced at my best friend, sleeping peacefully.

  Foster’s friendship was my world, always had been and always would be. Nothing had ever come between us, and I doubted anything ever would. He was the only person I’d ever known who understood my addiction to adrenaline, the need to chase that thrill at any cost. He was the one who helped me learn to ride a bike without training wheels, the friend who sat beside me in the hospital when I got that cast in fourth grade and signed his name in big green letters across the top. Foster was the one who boosted me up when I needed that last surge to reach my goal. He never failed me, not once in all our years of friendship.

  I carefully leaned over and kissed his forehead, which made him stir and roll on his side. The bed shifted a little when I got up, forcing his eyes open slightly.

  “Sorry. Go back to sleep. I’ll wake you for lunch,” I said.

  “Mmm-hmm,” he said and reached for his blanket. I pulled it over him and tucked it up to his chin before turning to go. “Darcy?” he whispered when I flicked off the light.

  “Yes, Fos?” I asked.

  “The kiss contest thing?”

  “What about it?”

  “I’m pretty sure you’re gonna regret that, Darcy Pistolis,” he said, then let his eyes flutter closed again.

  I pursed my lips and sighed. Foster always supported me, that was true, but whenever he told me I would regret something, he was usually—no, he was always right. Even so, I couldn’t ignore the urge to discover who it was if only to learn something about myself.

  I closed his door behind me and wandered into the kitchen. I found the house empty, but a warm pot of coffee sat on the coffee maker. I poured a cup and sorted through ideas for the contest that swirled around in my head. I found a notebook crammed in the junk drawer and started scribbling notes.

  The Kiss Contest! Buy a kiss with Darcy Pistolis! All proceeds donated to The Children’s Heart Foundation! Give to a good cause, and one lucky guy could steal Darcy’s heart! The best kisser wins a date with the wild child herself! More details to come...

  I posted the blurb to every social media account I had and forwarded it to the rest of the Fearless Five. With any luck, I’d be kissing my love by the end of summer. I got a little thrill just thinking about it, and if my instincts were right, this would be one wild and crazy ride.

  Chapter Three

  “DARCY, PLEASE DON’T do this. I’m begging you. On my knees, I’m begging you.” Foster’s warm eyes glistened in the firelight, but I was immune to his puppy dog eyes.

  “Foster, it’s too late. You can’t fix this,” I said. I took a step away from him so he couldn’t reach me. “It’s done. It’s over. Say goodbye.”

  “It can’t be too late. I can fix it! Please, at least let me try to fix it!” He begged on his knees, grasped my waist with both hands, and pouted. The panic on his face was adorable. There was no reason for it since I would never do anything to hurt him, but he seemed to think I would. He deserved a little worry after what he’d done.

  “You know what you did wrong, Foster. You can’t take it back, and you certainly can’t fix it,” I said, watching him suffer just a little longer.

  “I didn’t mean to do it, Darcy. I don’t know what came over me, I just... It just happened! I’m so sorry, please forgive me.” He sat back on his feet, arms hanging loosely at his sides, shoulders slumped in defeat.

  I felt a tug at my heart, and I knew I couldn’t do it. No matter what he’d done to me, I could never hurt him so much in retaliation. I sighed loudly and tapped my foot, deciding what his punishment should be for breaking our trust in the most intrusive way possible.

  “Fine, I’ll forgive you this once if you promise it will never happen again. You can’t do things like that, Foster. It could have ruined our friendship!” I fussed.

  The near-extinguished glimmer of hope in his eyes flamed, growing stronger by the second.

  “I swear, Darcy, I swear I will never do it again.” He stretched his arms out toward me again, beckoning me to come to him and put him out of his misery.

  “Okay, if you really mean it, then repeat after me. I, Foster Mitchell...” I waited for him to respond, dragging out the torture just a little longer.

  He rolled his eyes, but repeated my words, “I, Foster Mitchell...”

  “Swear on the life of Mr. Tiddles...” I continued.

  “Swear on the life of Mr. Tiddles...” Another eye roll and a frustrated sigh.

  “That I will never, ever read Darcy’s diary again.” I finished, swinging Mr. Tiddles from my fingertips, precariously close to the fire.

  “Darcy, this is silly.” He stood and yanked his teddy bear from my hands and safely tucked him into his jacket before backing several steps away so I couldn’t tackle him and retrieve the bear. “You just threatened the life of my childhood toy over a diary, which I might add is full of stuff I already knew.”

  “That’s not the point, Fos. You had no right to read it. Do you have that little respect for me?” I asked, my defenses already failing. I could never stay mad at him for long. I’d already forgiven him, but I couldn’t appear weak. If I did, I had no doubt I would find him reading my diary like a tattered and worn Austen novel every chance he got.

  “Of course, I respect you! I love you to bits, you tiny little human!” he said, then shrugged, “But, it was just lying there all purple and sparkly. What did you think was gonna happen?”

  “Are you seriously blaming me for you reading my diary?” I asked while trying to think of a new hiding place.

  “No, but if you leave it out where anyone can see it, then it’s bound to happen. Just be glad it was me and not Matt Chapman. You were more obsessed with him in ninth grade than I realized.” He laughed like a mad man at his own taunt, and I took the bait as always.

  I marched over to him and smacked his arm, barely eliciting a flinch. He picked me up and hoisted me over his shoulder, all the while, I squealed and squirmed. He tossed me onto a lounge chair, which nearly broke, and began to tickle me relentlessly, something I hated with a passion. After a few minutes of fending him off, he finally stopped and occupied himself with roasting a marshmallow.

  “Ahem, excuse us, but are you two finished with whatever that was? Amusing as it was, I’d rather not see any more of it,” Ben said.

  He and the others stared at us like we’d grown horns, forgetting how ridiculous we were after nearly a year spent in separate cities.

  Ben had suggested a little backyard get-together, just the five of us, and things were going great until Foster went inside to use the bathroom. He was gone for an unusual length of time, so I went in search of him only to find him sitting on my bed engrossed in my journal from high school. The smirk on his face infuriated me, so I ran next door, stole his favorite childhood toy—his stuffed bear Mr. Tiddles—and dangled him over the fire. I had no intention of ever tossing it into the fire, but I had to take a stand and reestablish our boundaries.

  Alicia had attempted to calm me down before I did something I would regret, then remembered that I was Darcy Pistolis, and Darcy Pistolis didn’t regret anything. However, watching Foster plead for the life of his prized bear was more heart wrenching than I had expected, and I decided I would never threaten the life of a stuffed animal again. After all, it wasn’t Mr. Tiddles’ fault that his owner was a doofus.

  “You two are nuts. Why aren’t you dating? Refresh my memory,” Alicia teased.

  “Because it would ruin our friendship, and I don’t like him that way,” I replied, sticking my tongue out like a child.

  “Yeah, Darcy is way too much for me. Sure, we’re cute like this, but we’d kill each other if we got married,” Foster agreed, stuffing his mouth with more sugar than he needed.

  Nina only shook her head. She was the original captain of a ship that would never sail, the girl who had tried and failed to set us up multiple times. By now, she knew the deal; we were friends and nothing more.